Sometimes I really hate it. I hate how we get into situations, a lot of times, like my case, by our own means, and then we realize that we have set ourselves up so that we have to make a decision. I hate how we have to disappoint someone. But I guess that's what life is eh. Decision after decision, followed by its consequences.
Sometimes its interesting thinking about what it would be like if the world was perfect and nothing we did was wrong. What if everything worked out perfectly all the time? I think that is probably a rather commonly asked question. But I think that there is a reason for that. Who wouldn't like the idea that everything in the world worked out exactly how we wanted it. We wouldn't be forced to make these decisions. But of course, we ask ourselves these things, and then we realize that one, this is impossible. It goes against human nature. And two, how boring would that become. We learn from our mistakes and our misfortunes that we go through. We would never be able to do that if everything was perfect. Life goes up and down. And when those upswings are happening, its amazing. If everything was perfect, you would feel the same all the time.
But anyways, I hate when my mind starts to mess with me and I start thinking about some of the big, or seemingly big at the moment, but not so much in hindsight, decisions that I make. Doubt enters the picture. I hate it when I realize that maybe I did something wrong. And in doing so, I have both screwed myself over as well as the person who got screwed over by the decision that I made. And I hate it because that always seems to happen to me. I can never get things right. I don't know. Maybe things at the present will actually work out how I would like, but right now it seems like I may have made a grave mistake. Whatever I guess. That's life for you eh.
Well that was a rather short one I think. I wrote it mostly on the spot basically just building off a main idea. But ya. Thanks. Talk to you later.
-Andy
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Insights for the day
So i was thinking. There are a couple of things that i was thinking about that just kind of have captured my thoughts today and yesterday. First, the big butts song came on the radio today. it was on 106.7 which plays hard rock and metal but someone requested it or something. either way i was driving home from school at lunch and it came on. Wow, whoever wrote that song was really clever. Like the whole song is sexual references but there are so many different ways he says the same thing. Except each time he says it he adds something new and each time is just as funny as the last.
I mean, the song has no real meaning. It's pretty much about sex. There is nothing too insightful or especially emotional about the song. I wouldn't guess it is was one written "from the heart." Its just clever. I would never be able to come up with the stuff that he says. Another song like that is "The Bad Touch" by the Bloodhound Gang. It is the pretty much the same thing. Just a song about sex. But it's funny and it's clever. I like it. Maybe you agree with me maybe you don't.
I was thinking about something else too. I am kind of curious why anyone, girl or guy, would put a big playboy bunny sticker on their back window. Or just like displaying it anywhere. It just doesn't make sense to me. Sticking with the sticker in the window, if it is a girl has one on the back of her car, i see it as she is one of a couple of things. One, she works for playboy. In that case i guess its alright that she has it on her car, for it is her job. Two, she is a complete slut who wants to work for playboy. Three, she isn't hot at all and just wishes she was like that... or something like that. Either way, i don't understand why a girl would want to have that kind of image for herself. If it is a guy, i see that as well as one of a couple things. One, he is like the owner for the magazine or something like that. The more likely possibilily though is that it is some guy who watches a lot of porn and masterbates a lot and who probably is a pervert and has a 18 year old girlfriend and who is 30 (not that that is a good reflection on her either but still). Now that is a pretty extreme case at least the second part. Either way, i definitely wouldn't put one of those stickers on the back of my car. But i suppose to each his own. Sorry if i offended you by saying some of those things.
Overall, those were some of my thoughts of today/yesterday. Talk to you later...
-Andy
I mean, the song has no real meaning. It's pretty much about sex. There is nothing too insightful or especially emotional about the song. I wouldn't guess it is was one written "from the heart." Its just clever. I would never be able to come up with the stuff that he says. Another song like that is "The Bad Touch" by the Bloodhound Gang. It is the pretty much the same thing. Just a song about sex. But it's funny and it's clever. I like it. Maybe you agree with me maybe you don't.
I was thinking about something else too. I am kind of curious why anyone, girl or guy, would put a big playboy bunny sticker on their back window. Or just like displaying it anywhere. It just doesn't make sense to me. Sticking with the sticker in the window, if it is a girl has one on the back of her car, i see it as she is one of a couple of things. One, she works for playboy. In that case i guess its alright that she has it on her car, for it is her job. Two, she is a complete slut who wants to work for playboy. Three, she isn't hot at all and just wishes she was like that... or something like that. Either way, i don't understand why a girl would want to have that kind of image for herself. If it is a guy, i see that as well as one of a couple things. One, he is like the owner for the magazine or something like that. The more likely possibilily though is that it is some guy who watches a lot of porn and masterbates a lot and who probably is a pervert and has a 18 year old girlfriend and who is 30 (not that that is a good reflection on her either but still). Now that is a pretty extreme case at least the second part. Either way, i definitely wouldn't put one of those stickers on the back of my car. But i suppose to each his own. Sorry if i offended you by saying some of those things.
Overall, those were some of my thoughts of today/yesterday. Talk to you later...
-Andy
Thursday, October 4, 2007
"Harrison Bergeron"
"Harrison Bergeron"
by Kurt Vonnegut
(Instead of have the whole story which is long on here i will just put the website link on. But if you havent you really should read the story, for it is really good. It takes like ten minutes to read. You will like it.)
-Andy
http://instruct.westvalley.edu/lafave/hb.html
by Kurt Vonnegut
(Instead of have the whole story which is long on here i will just put the website link on. But if you havent you really should read the story, for it is really good. It takes like ten minutes to read. You will like it.)
-Andy
http://instruct.westvalley.edu/lafave/hb.html
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Sickness and the Future
Right now i feel kind of crappy. I think i am sick. After our hill workout today in cross county i couldnt run until i walked for a while because i felt like crap. And its still with me. I hate being sick. Whatever. I guess i will resort to drinking lots of water and hope that i get better.
Anways, on a more serious note. I guess i will talk about something that i have been thinking about a lot. That is the future and where i lie in terms of what kind of person i will be, where i will be, and so on. Its so hard i think cause pretty much anything i do there is some sort of downfall. But i guess thats how life goes.
So school has been pretty crappy lately. Its just like its so hard to find the motivation to do anything. I am pretty much the worst student ever. I only ever do a portion of my homework. And probably how i spend my nights would be looked upon by many as a waste of my time and i am dumb and i just need to do my homework. But i disagree. I was talking to ryan about this today. Like you have to judge how much time you spend doing homework based on how much you think it will be worth your time. But then i fall behind in classes sometimes and its just not a good situation.
And this is where i bring it back to the future and such. Like i suppose i have a pretty decent GPA and people would say i have a bright future ahead of me, attending some good college and getting a good job and such. But sometimes i wonder if that is actually me. Its not good, but i am a lazy person. I am really lazy. I procrastinate and i dont know how to change it. So what happens when i go to college and i suck because i am so lazy. I know, you would say dont be lazy. But its just so hard.
And then maybe i start thinking maybe i shouldnt go to college and maybe take a year off and work or do something like that. Thats what ryan said he would be doing after graduating. First of all, my parents especially would disagree hardcore. That wouldnt fly with them at all. Ha. It would be way cool but i dont know if i could do that also.
Also i was thinking about another thing too sort of about the future. I was reading this article in Rolling Stone about Hunter S. Thompson. He went through high school drinking and having fun and being a touble maker and doing all this stuff. He didnt have a care in the world about school or stuff like that. And then after a series of events he goes on to become a very famous writer who invented a new genre of writing and in some ways defined a generation. Like what was he thinking in high school. I dont know. did he know he wanted to do the stuff that he would do later in his life. I mean i think it would be cool to become famous. And i tell myself that all i have to do to become famous is do whatever i want. And it will all work out. (This is all sort of different than what i was thinking today but its hard to recall what i was thinking unless i write as i am thinking, but anyways...) But i am not going to be famous. At least there is no way i can plan on being famous in any way.
I dont know. Thats a lot to think about i suppose. I am probably overthinking everything hardcore. I guess i just need to do what i do and whatever happens happens. That was a lot of rambling so if you got here, i thank you for reading. And if you didnt get here, even though you wont know i say this to you, but i dont blame you.
-Andy
Anways, on a more serious note. I guess i will talk about something that i have been thinking about a lot. That is the future and where i lie in terms of what kind of person i will be, where i will be, and so on. Its so hard i think cause pretty much anything i do there is some sort of downfall. But i guess thats how life goes.
So school has been pretty crappy lately. Its just like its so hard to find the motivation to do anything. I am pretty much the worst student ever. I only ever do a portion of my homework. And probably how i spend my nights would be looked upon by many as a waste of my time and i am dumb and i just need to do my homework. But i disagree. I was talking to ryan about this today. Like you have to judge how much time you spend doing homework based on how much you think it will be worth your time. But then i fall behind in classes sometimes and its just not a good situation.
And this is where i bring it back to the future and such. Like i suppose i have a pretty decent GPA and people would say i have a bright future ahead of me, attending some good college and getting a good job and such. But sometimes i wonder if that is actually me. Its not good, but i am a lazy person. I am really lazy. I procrastinate and i dont know how to change it. So what happens when i go to college and i suck because i am so lazy. I know, you would say dont be lazy. But its just so hard.
And then maybe i start thinking maybe i shouldnt go to college and maybe take a year off and work or do something like that. Thats what ryan said he would be doing after graduating. First of all, my parents especially would disagree hardcore. That wouldnt fly with them at all. Ha. It would be way cool but i dont know if i could do that also.
Also i was thinking about another thing too sort of about the future. I was reading this article in Rolling Stone about Hunter S. Thompson. He went through high school drinking and having fun and being a touble maker and doing all this stuff. He didnt have a care in the world about school or stuff like that. And then after a series of events he goes on to become a very famous writer who invented a new genre of writing and in some ways defined a generation. Like what was he thinking in high school. I dont know. did he know he wanted to do the stuff that he would do later in his life. I mean i think it would be cool to become famous. And i tell myself that all i have to do to become famous is do whatever i want. And it will all work out. (This is all sort of different than what i was thinking today but its hard to recall what i was thinking unless i write as i am thinking, but anyways...) But i am not going to be famous. At least there is no way i can plan on being famous in any way.
I dont know. Thats a lot to think about i suppose. I am probably overthinking everything hardcore. I guess i just need to do what i do and whatever happens happens. That was a lot of rambling so if you got here, i thank you for reading. And if you didnt get here, even though you wont know i say this to you, but i dont blame you.
-Andy
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Church and such
I will take some time to blog on this sunday afternoon as i sit in my room delaying to start waxing my car. I just got back from a church a few minutes ago. I wont go too deep into my faith and what i believe in and why i believe what i do but i am Catholic. I have gone to a couple other youth group activities at other churches like Central Prebeterian and the Lutheran (sorry if i spelled that wrong) church.
But i have been raised Catholic so that is what i do. I have not been raised hardcore Catholic though like some kids i suppose. My parents probably had a more strict upbringing than i did but both of them went to Catholic school at one time or another. Anways, its kind of interesting. Whenever i go to church, my mind seems to wander a lot and i often find myself thinking of things that have nothing to do with the gospel or any of the readings or the sermon. I think about running a lot, for some reason, i think about school, my friends, anything going on in my life, you know, stuff like that. Its hard cause then i realize that i havent been really paying attention and then i dont really know what the person is talking about so my mind drifts again. I dont know though, my mind doesnt really drift that seriously anywhere more than at church. Maybe its a good thing and it allows me to kind of go through everything going on. I dont know. I probably should be focusing more on whats going on in the mass but, whatever i guess.
But today was kind of different, it was a pretty intense gospel and sermon. It was about this poor guy named Laserus (that might be spelled wrong) and he lives a really hard life. Like, the poorest of the poor. He was sick and everything. But, i think, he still had his faith and overall he lived a good moral life. And then there was this other guy who was rich and had everything he could ever want. He would step over Laserus who was at his door looking for food. The rich man would step over him and pay no notice at all. Actually, he might have kicked him and pushed him aside. So in the end, they both die and Laserus goes to Heaven and is standing by Abrahams side and the rich man is looking up from hell and is in the flames and everything and asked forgiveness but Abraham just looks down and said you lived the best life and didnt share anything while Laserus didnt have anything. He told him that there were rules he had to follow and the rich man would be doomed to stay down there in torture and pain forever.
I thought that was pretty intense. I was actually listening to this one. Like not they usually have noninteresting topics the gospels, but this one just caught my attention especially well. Its just kind of scary thinking about it. Just the fact that, according to my faith, if you screw up in this life time there are no second chances. Now i am not saying thats how it is. I mean everyone believes what they want to believe. And i mean even me myself have doubts every once in a while and i am not even the most firm in my beliefs. But still, its pretty scary. I dont know. I guess it just got my attention. Well...i should probably be off to start the rest of my day. Talk to you later.
-Andy
But i have been raised Catholic so that is what i do. I have not been raised hardcore Catholic though like some kids i suppose. My parents probably had a more strict upbringing than i did but both of them went to Catholic school at one time or another. Anways, its kind of interesting. Whenever i go to church, my mind seems to wander a lot and i often find myself thinking of things that have nothing to do with the gospel or any of the readings or the sermon. I think about running a lot, for some reason, i think about school, my friends, anything going on in my life, you know, stuff like that. Its hard cause then i realize that i havent been really paying attention and then i dont really know what the person is talking about so my mind drifts again. I dont know though, my mind doesnt really drift that seriously anywhere more than at church. Maybe its a good thing and it allows me to kind of go through everything going on. I dont know. I probably should be focusing more on whats going on in the mass but, whatever i guess.
But today was kind of different, it was a pretty intense gospel and sermon. It was about this poor guy named Laserus (that might be spelled wrong) and he lives a really hard life. Like, the poorest of the poor. He was sick and everything. But, i think, he still had his faith and overall he lived a good moral life. And then there was this other guy who was rich and had everything he could ever want. He would step over Laserus who was at his door looking for food. The rich man would step over him and pay no notice at all. Actually, he might have kicked him and pushed him aside. So in the end, they both die and Laserus goes to Heaven and is standing by Abrahams side and the rich man is looking up from hell and is in the flames and everything and asked forgiveness but Abraham just looks down and said you lived the best life and didnt share anything while Laserus didnt have anything. He told him that there were rules he had to follow and the rich man would be doomed to stay down there in torture and pain forever.
I thought that was pretty intense. I was actually listening to this one. Like not they usually have noninteresting topics the gospels, but this one just caught my attention especially well. Its just kind of scary thinking about it. Just the fact that, according to my faith, if you screw up in this life time there are no second chances. Now i am not saying thats how it is. I mean everyone believes what they want to believe. And i mean even me myself have doubts every once in a while and i am not even the most firm in my beliefs. But still, its pretty scary. I dont know. I guess it just got my attention. Well...i should probably be off to start the rest of my day. Talk to you later.
-Andy
Thursday, September 27, 2007
This is the second time. Sometimes i dont know what to do
I hate it when this happens. its the second time that it has. somehow i have offended someone who i care about a lot and they completely hate me. and its not even my fault. they are overexhagerating and its almost like they were looking for a reason to hate me. and this is the second time that i have pretty much gotten on my knees and begged for forgiveness for something that i didnt even do just cause i want the friendship back. i mean what did i do wrong to make someone who i had a great friendship with suddenly hate me. how can i even know if they wont tell me and there isnt even a reasonable reason for their sudden change of how they view me. and i ask myself why i keep doing this. why do i swallow up every bit of my pride and take the blame for everything to ask for forgiveness for something i didnt even do. it sucks. i dont know what to do. and then i dont know what to do in general. it seems like just about everyone else out there in the world has a very best friend that they are closer with than anyone else in the world. i dont have that best friend. i did. but then he started dating this girl. and we are still great friends but its not the same. we arent the type of friends where we hang out every weekend and all we do is sit and do nothing. i have other really close friends. and i am really grateful but sometimes i wish i had that best friend. its hard. i just dont know what to do. and then stuff like this happens and i am completely lost. i dont know. this has been sort of a crappy night just cause of the person who now hates me and wont even give me a chance to hear some things at least they need to know. they wont even give me a chance. and how am i supposed to feel when that person who you were close with calls you a dick and an idiot and an ass and the worst things someone can call someone else and end messages with things like bye, have a good life. i guess i just try to look to the good things in life. there have been some new good things that have been happening lately. i met this girl and i guess i have hope in the possitiliby that maybe it will turn into something really good cause i am starting to like her a lot. but we will see. i dont know. ryan, you will probably be the only one to read this, and it is a lot of rambling and it skips...but thanks ryan and anyone else who reads this.
-Andy
-Andy
Words of wisdom from matt keeler
I was talking to matt at cross country today and telling him how i think he should get a blog. he probably wont but thats ok. he told me to write a quote of his or something in my blog. so i said i would and i said i would write about it. his quote was "Life is like a garden. Dont be a hoe." i think thats what he said. maybe its not but thats close enough. Yup...thats it...and its kind of a funny quote and it sort of makes sense. i just dont know how. i am kind of hitting a block on it. whatever i suppose. i still talked about it i guess. I guess i will talk about something else eh. I just bought this new cd by a band named Hurt. they are pretty much amazing. I seriously dont know how anyone could not like their music. its like a perfect mix of heavy metal and with a lot of accoustic guitar. plus the singers voice is really unique and his lyrics are pretty intense. i am not the best person at interpreting lyrics so i dont always know what he is saying for sure but they are usually filled with all these cool extended metaphors that i would never be able to come up with. that is a skill i am pretty lacking in. i cant write song lyrics to save my life. well i guess i can try but they never seem to be any good. they are simple which can sometimes be a good thing but with me they are just bad. whatever i suppose. i make up for it by being about to write decent music on the piano and guitar. or at least i think so. well thats probably about it for this blog. talk to you later eh...
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Ryan and blogging
So i dont know who will read this, besides ryan probably, but thats ok. ryan is pretty much one of the coolest kids ever. Hes such a good guy and someone who i really look up to and have a lot of respect for. One day he was telling me about this blog thing that he did. I sort of know what blogs were sort of through myspace. But according to ryan this is better than myspace. Maybe he didnt say it directly but he means it. Anyways i thought i sounded pretty cool and then i went and looked at his last night and i thought it would pretty cool to make my own. It is actually a good idea. Sometimes i think what i need is a place where i can write and just speak my mind. This will probably work pretty well for me. Who knows, maybe it will be my next myspace...an internet site where i spend large amounts of time. Who knows. But if you read this you should definitely comment me or like tell me or something even if i dont really know you just so i know maybe i am not writing to myself. And i suppose if i am in fact writing to myself, then i dont know. I suppose i will have to figure out what i will do when i get to that point. And excuse my probable randomness. But hopefully maybe you will like what i am writing somewhat. I dont know. Talk to you later...
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