Right now i feel kind of crappy. I think i am sick. After our hill workout today in cross county i couldnt run until i walked for a while because i felt like crap. And its still with me. I hate being sick. Whatever. I guess i will resort to drinking lots of water and hope that i get better.
Anways, on a more serious note. I guess i will talk about something that i have been thinking about a lot. That is the future and where i lie in terms of what kind of person i will be, where i will be, and so on. Its so hard i think cause pretty much anything i do there is some sort of downfall. But i guess thats how life goes.
So school has been pretty crappy lately. Its just like its so hard to find the motivation to do anything. I am pretty much the worst student ever. I only ever do a portion of my homework. And probably how i spend my nights would be looked upon by many as a waste of my time and i am dumb and i just need to do my homework. But i disagree. I was talking to ryan about this today. Like you have to judge how much time you spend doing homework based on how much you think it will be worth your time. But then i fall behind in classes sometimes and its just not a good situation.
And this is where i bring it back to the future and such. Like i suppose i have a pretty decent GPA and people would say i have a bright future ahead of me, attending some good college and getting a good job and such. But sometimes i wonder if that is actually me. Its not good, but i am a lazy person. I am really lazy. I procrastinate and i dont know how to change it. So what happens when i go to college and i suck because i am so lazy. I know, you would say dont be lazy. But its just so hard.
And then maybe i start thinking maybe i shouldnt go to college and maybe take a year off and work or do something like that. Thats what ryan said he would be doing after graduating. First of all, my parents especially would disagree hardcore. That wouldnt fly with them at all. Ha. It would be way cool but i dont know if i could do that also.
Also i was thinking about another thing too sort of about the future. I was reading this article in Rolling Stone about Hunter S. Thompson. He went through high school drinking and having fun and being a touble maker and doing all this stuff. He didnt have a care in the world about school or stuff like that. And then after a series of events he goes on to become a very famous writer who invented a new genre of writing and in some ways defined a generation. Like what was he thinking in high school. I dont know. did he know he wanted to do the stuff that he would do later in his life. I mean i think it would be cool to become famous. And i tell myself that all i have to do to become famous is do whatever i want. And it will all work out. (This is all sort of different than what i was thinking today but its hard to recall what i was thinking unless i write as i am thinking, but anyways...) But i am not going to be famous. At least there is no way i can plan on being famous in any way.
I dont know. Thats a lot to think about i suppose. I am probably overthinking everything hardcore. I guess i just need to do what i do and whatever happens happens. That was a lot of rambling so if you got here, i thank you for reading. And if you didnt get here, even though you wont know i say this to you, but i dont blame you.
-Andy
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4 comments:
I know exactly what you mean. I think that society, our peers and especially our parents can put unfair expectations on us. Not unfair in ways that we can't obtain them, but unfair in the way that it's not their expectations to make. I think that we come to a point in our life where we need to make our own expectations. Otherwise, when we are seperate from our parents, we have no expectations and don't really amount to much. I think that you need to think about what your expectations are for yourself. Then, maybe, you'll be motivated because it's your goals, your expectations and it may be easier to live with intention. Finding the happy medium between that and your parents is tricky though. Good luck man, if you ever want to talk more in depth about it, hit me up. I like the paragraph seperations, word eh.
i was sick for like 5 days a few weeks back. first the cold, then it was overlapped by the flu. what helps is def green tea. or just tea in general. and lots of it.
and i dont wanna sound weird or anything, but meditating will do wonders. for anything. if im stressed or if i got alot rockin my mind, i just meditate that shit out. and it doesnt have to like be, sitting on the floor humming away buddhist style. just relax. let your mind go.
Yeah i worry about that sometimes too... i have one of the best gpa's in my school and people are always saying that they expect me to go far and i really want to see the world. but what if i'm not cut out for it? what if i can't adapt to being in a new place? So i can't decide if i want to go out of state or just stay at CU, which i really liked when i toured it, but then i'll be just another senior that went right down the road and couldn't leave.
School blows. I usually rely on my teachers letting me turn stuff in late... which.. usually works, but i wouldn't suggest that. Getting work done in class, even if it's not for the class you're in, usually works for me. And hey. You've worked hard for the past three years, one year slacking a bit more than the last three shouldn't be that bad.
Goooooooo SLACKERS! YAY!
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