Let's Part the Seas...

I want to address two things. They aren't really related. You might be able to see a relationship though. We will see after I am done. I don't know which to start with. Feel free to read this blog out of order.

Well I guess I will start by saying that I have something that I want to do. And I think it would be really fun. For the past couple of months I have been thinking that I would really like to play my piano music for people. There are a lot of new songs that I have written, and I think it might alright just in that so far people have told me it is alright music. But I feel like it would be weird asking a bunch of people in general to come listen to my music. I feel weird in general asking any single person to listen to my music. I don't know what it is, but I guess that might just be who I am.

I feel like I have thought of what I want to do. I had had some inspiration from people earlier, and last night I was listening to Jill play guitar and sing some of her music, and I thought she was really amazing but maybe hasn't had that much of a chance for people to hear her music. And then I thought or Ryan Haagenson being very similar. Amazing music but not really heard by many. So what I thought would be cool would be to invite anybody over to my house some night and like Jill and Ryan and I could play some of our music and anybody else who wanted to play anything could. So far the people I have talked to think it would a pretty good idea. I think it would be fun. Maybe, it won't be, but right now I will start talking to people and see what they think. And I guess there doesn't even have to be a lot of people. It will just be a fun night to hang out and listen to music. So far I have a tentative date set at February 23rd. Anyone who reads this should let me know what they think.

Now onto a different thing that I often find myself thinking about. I feel like in my mind, I think that other people are very much like me, and they think very similar. Or maybe I mean I tend to think about what other people worse responses are to anything more than anything else. That probably doesn't make a lot of sense as it is. I will ellaborate and provide examples. I often think a lot about what I am going to say, because I think a lot about whether anybody will take offense to what I say, or something like that. Often, in my mind if there is reason that maybe somebody will reject what I say and make me feel like an idiot, I usually won't say it. I am afraid to ask certain things, or try to be the first to say something, or to try to get people to listen or follow me because I am always afraid that they will straight up say no and that is it. A lot of times it is ironic because after I put down such thoughts, somebody else will say what I wouldn't, and it would be good.

I don't know why it is that I am like that. Maybe I have been conditioned to be so. I feel like that is a big part of it. It still happens to me, but I feel like in the past I have been shut down on a lot of various occasions. Or maybe it is just my personality. Maybe I am meant to be more timid sort of and just quiet and not a leader at all. Gosh I would certainly hope that I am not, for that is not who I want to be, but I am afraid that is still who I am.

And it is weird too. Maybe it has taught me not to be a certain way. All the time I see somebody ask somebody else for sometimes even a small favor and that person flat out says no and pretends like they have no conscience and doesn't think about that person. I guess that doesn't necessarily make that person a bad person, but I definitely know how it feels to be rejected like that, so whenever anyone asks me for a similar thing or something, I try to do what I can. And if I can't do it or whatever, I try to be nice about saying no. At least that is what I hope that I do. I definitely don't want to be the person that flat out says no. Again, it doesn't necessarily make that person a bad person, but I guess it is just something I try not to do. I don't know. Maybe you can relate to this. Maybe not.

And that I believe is my blogging for the night. Hope it wasn't too bad. Talk to you later.
-Andy

So I Have This Idea In My Head

...and I hate it because it is such a vivid image, but I have nothing to do with it. I don't know if you know what I mean, but maybe as I describe it and my situation, which I find myself often in, you will understand more. Anyways, as I said, there is a sort of a picture or scene in my mind and I think it would be cool do bring that to life somehow, but I can't probably because I don't have time or the creative capability. It may sound weird, but I will try to describe it.

So in my head I see a sort of ballroom like there used to be in like Europe sometime in the past. And in this ballroom are a bunch of people dancing in unison in circles and such, I don't know what you call the dance, with classical music and all that in the background. But all of the people are ghosts except for one man who is dancing with a woman who is also a ghost. It's like in a movie where the camara zooms from above and you can see everyone below especially the man. Of course he is all dressed up like the rest of the people. But then the scene changes to real life where the ballroom is all broken down and lessened by age, if you can picture that, you know all dusty with broken things hanging off the walls and such. And it is silent, but that man is dancing there, as if with a woman. And he is still all dressed up.

That probably sounds real dumb. And if you have seen it before that makes sense. The idea is inspired from various things I have seen. It is quite possible that it has already been created. Anyways, I think there could be so much done with that image. There could be so much symbolism and so much story behind. If I could I think it would be awesome to like write a story with that. Or I could simple write a poem or a song, which I actually did try. Or I could like write a script for a play or a movie or something like that.

But in reality, I can't. All I have is that singular image in my mind. I don't know where I would start or end or what I would do in between. All there is is that one thing. Maybe I can start to build off it, but I still get stuck. And I simple don't have time. I don't know. Maybe all this image is useful for is sparking my imagination and making me think, which I suppose wouldn't be such a bad thing. I guess I just think it is kind of interesting a cool. Maybe somebody will read this or already have thought of it and then write a book or make a movie out of it, and I will read it or see it and be able to understand, and it will fill all of the holes in my mind. But that probably won't happen.

Hmm. This was probably one of my weirder blogs. I don't know how you will respond. I do appreciate the responses, but they are not necessary. Maybe you enjoyed reading this or maybe you can relate to it or I don't know. Either way, there it is. Talk to you later eh.
-Andy

Running...

My mind is filled with doubt, yet a single idea, a single hope, a single dream, a single source of motivation drives me. The motivation prevails, for it is looking to the future rather than the past. I cross the threshold and with the click of a watch, I am off. It is a journey, one that lasts for eternity and a second. All the while wanting to turn back, my drive prevails. The pavement beneath me appears to rush behind me, as every step, every breath takes a little more out of me. But for every bit taken out of me, I am made that much stronger in every way. My physical limits are pushed, but me will to succeed increased. In the end, that will, that drive, that movitation, that dream truly has prevailed. Forever, in many ways I will be a better person. I have that much better of a chance to succeed. It is still far off, and there is much in the way, but maybe someday that dream will come true. I can only hope.


There is my little bit of creative-ish writing. I don't think I could write much more than that just because I have to think so much about how I want to say what I am thinking. Anyways, maybe you liked it. Maybe not. I still want to say a few more things on the subject though.

I was talking with Alex about this the other day, and I think it is amazing how much of an effect running has had on me this winter. I feel like it has changed me and will continue to change and affect me for a while. Up to now, this will definitely be one of my most defining winters. Never have I done anything like this winter. I have never spent a whole winter running, or camping, or running or anything. It has made me feel like I can do so much more. I never would have believed a few years ago that running would be this important to me in my life and that I would be running an hour every day after school.

And like I said in the beginning, if you could sort of discern what I was saying, but I have crazy hopes for this track season. I just hope that I will be able to do what I want to get done. And even if I don't do as well as I would hope, I think I will still be able to be happy knowing that I did a heck of a lot over the winter, and I stayed in shape, and I felt good about myself and such. Word. Now I am just talking about myself. Don't feel like you have to go out and run forever. I mean it is a good thing to do, but for me this is something big I have found in my life, and I think that if everyone had something like this, well, I would be happy for them. Ya, you know what I mean. Word. I have said enough. Talk to you later.
-Andy

Somewhere in China a Bird is Eating a Tree...

...I will bet money that on their next album, chiodos will have on it a song titled somewhat like that. I think it is stupid. Cause of course the song would have nothing to do with a bird eating a tree in China. Plus it just doesn't make sense. Oh well. They can be dumb like that.

Anyways...on to deeper stuff...it is kind of interesting, these days I have often found myself in a sort of nostalgic or just kind of emotional mood. Not emotional in the way that I am depressed or anything, just emotional in that i suddenly become very aware of my friendships and how much everything in my life means to me, and also I think about the different ways that I have failed certain people or something like that, and I suppose in that way I can get a little sad. I also think about my life up to this point, everything I have done and where I am headed, what lies in my future.

But I don't know, these feelings can be triggered in many different ways and in many different places. I may be at home, up in my room in the internet just talking to somebody, or texting somebody or something, or even talking on the phone or something. Or I will be running, and somehow the pavement below my feet makes me think about how big of an impact running has had on my life, how I never would have expected to be where I am now, which then triggers other such feelings about other things.

Or even tonight, a real good friend of mine posted a bunch of picture on myspace of her best friends. There was a picture of me among all of those great people. I don't know exactly what it was, but that struck me so hard. It meant a lot to me. It made me think of my friendship with her and everything I have gone through with her. It made me think of how much she means to me and how much she always will.

Another sort of thing like that happened with me earlier today as well. I had a couple of friends over after lunch. Alex Zuelke and Ryan Haagenson came over and we just played around on guitars for an hour or so. It was one of the most amazing times I have ever had. Ryan and I were all jamming out, and Alex was sitting be Ryan as well with a guitar in his hand. He doesn't really know how to play, but he still occasionally tried to throw a little thing in here or there. It's alright though, cause I know he has the heart and I know that if he puts his mind to it he will be better than both Ryan and I someday. But I will tell you, Ryan played these most amazing songs that he wrote for Alex and I. I am telling you, if you ever hear them, you will fall in love with them. So if you get a chance, as Ryan to play one of his songs for you sometime.

So I think I will sort of wrap things up here pretty quick. I think another reason why I get so nostalgic is that I, just like everybody else, is going to be done with high school next year. Things will never be the same, and it's just good to remember all of the good things that have passed. And it is good to have hope for the future.
And that is about it for now. Thanks for reading. Talk to you later.

-Andy