Mmhmm

"Let us not hope to be happy. Let us be happy to hope."

Oh man...

It is kind of a downer realizing defeat and realizing that no matter how hard I try, I can't change this bad way of how I do things. Oh well. Maybe some day I will get better about it.

The Sine Curve of Life

I don't think I have blogged about it much or even at all, at least this, but I think it's pretty interesting how life goes sometimes. I think that it is interesting how up and down it can be, kind of like a sine curve if you know what I mean (ha i am a nerd).

It's like there will be times when life is going amazingly for one single amount of time or something, but then it suddenly plummets. Life goes from one half pi(e?) to three halves pi. Everything sucks and it seems like nothing is worth it, and you ask yourself all of these questions like why am I here? What the heck am I doing? Where am I going? You call yourself an idiot. You hate yourself. You are depressed. Those times are the worse. The lowest of the low, down there at three halves pi.

But then of course things get better. They always do. But then they get worse. They always do. I don't know I guess, if life is actually this way, at times you can take comfort or you can live in fear. Good times are ahead or bad times are ahead. Maybe that is why life is so. People think that the opposite is happening and because they think it, it is. I just thought of this, maybe I am different than everybody else and I am really talking about my own life and assuming everyone else is the same. I don't know. I still see this as how life works sometimes.

Right now life is going good for me I would say. I have awesome, supportive friends. As of last night I officially have a girlfriend, and this time I really feel different about. There really isn't any doubt at all this time. I am in a couple of bands and am very happy with how both are going. School is going alright. I am in a position to get some very good grades. I have some great choices of where I am going to go to school. Given it will be a hard decision, I know I will be happy either way. I am happy right how. I guess according to my sine theory of life I will call it, soon i will reach one half pie and then go down, so 1) I will enjoy this time of happiness that I have right now, and 2) I know that if it goes bad, it will get better.

And I think that can be a sort of message of hope for people. Ha I am all about hope. Anyways, if you are going through a bad time, just know that it will get better. Hold onto that and embrace and soon enough it will be so. Word. Well I hope you enjoyed this one. Talk to you later eh.
-Andy

A New Girl and My Friends

So I figure it has been a while since I have last blogged. This will be my first blog of December I think. I went pretty crazy last month and blogged a relatively large amount at a rate or more than one a week, not looking too much at length or topic or whatever. Anyways, just some stuff I want to address.

So I met this girl a couple of weeks ago at this girls birthday toga party. A band that I am in was playing there for a bit. And I met this girl who goes to Dawson. I thought she was pretty cool. And then we hugged goodbye, and she left, and then a week or so later she texted me, and we started talking. And now we have been talking a lot and it seems to be going well. We went to a movie and such the other day. It was fun (wow i really think people dont care about this, but i am getting to more deep stuff here pretty soon)

Anyways, I am starting to like this girl a lot and I think I definitely see dating in the future. I don't know what is going to happen though. Whatever does happen though i am hopeful that it will be good. As always I am afraid that I will screw it up like I usually do. I don't know. I always have these sort of fears that I am doing the wrong thing. Meh. We will see how it works out I suppose. She is a cool girl. Just thought I would talk about that for a little bit.

The main thing that I wanted to talk about is my appreciation for my friends and everything that they do for me. Especially you guys who read this. It really makes a difference to me. I am glad. And I am glad to be able to interact with you and become closer and develop our friendship even more.

I think that in general I would be nothing without my friends, and I hate when I screw it up with you. Throughout high school I have always wanted to have a girlfriend, one that will truly care about me. And for the most part that hasn't happened for me. At least not for extended amounts of time. But honestly, you guys, my friends, and other friends who don't read this, you and them, everybody, you all help me through that. Whether you mean to or know that or not. You are always there for me in your own ways.

Ha I know phil will read this and might have some sort of criticism. And I think that is your own way of being a good friend and being there for me. And you are also supportive as well. And Jackson, you are always there to give me good advice, and be a good friend. It is good having highly philosophical conversations about life and such. And Patti, I don't know how often you read my blog but you are as well a good friend. Someone who I can always laugh with and have a good time. Alex, thanks for running with me. It is fun and I like how we have grown a lot closer because of it. And of course Ryan. You got me into blogging, which I am very greatful. You are there for me and I love how we can talk about life and how we can help eachother or at least talk eachother through out similar situations. These are the people who read my blog the most. I have other awesome friends that I could talk about too. But you probably won't read it. Anyways........

You guys are the best. And in general, I love my friends. I hope that I can be there for you just as much as you are there for me in whatever way you need me to be there for you.

I don't know, but I feel like I am being repetitive but probably not saying all I should say and no one will get to this point but oh well I guess. I hope you enjoyed this blog. And again, all of my friends and anybody, you mean a heck of a lot to me. Thanks. Talk to you later.
-Andy

Sorry but This is Really annoying...

I am sorry, but I need to vent a little bit. Ok so I think that it is alright for people, specifically girls to have drama in their lives. Everyone has it. Guys too of course. But there are two different directions you can take with your drama. One, the better way, is you look at what is happening and you accept it. If you can, you fix whatever happened and then you move on. It's not easy but at the same time it's as simple as that. You learn from any mistakes, make some changes, and those sorts of things happen less and eventually go away. I might relate back to that a little later, but I think that is the better response to drama.

Now, a worse response, is to complain and make it worse. I think it is terrible when drama happens to people (sorry but its mostly girls) and they cry and complain about somebody breaking up with them. Or even worse they complain that the same thing always happens to them and nothing ever changes (I think I might have said this about myself before and that is my mistake. I have made some changes). They don't try to change anything, they simply complain about how bad everything sucks.

I am sorry, but this really bothers me sometimes. Especially when someone says that they hate their life. Shut up. You don't hate your life. It could be so much worse...so much worse. Maybe if you actually did something about your drama and perhaps made some changes, things wouldn't be so "bad." Yes, it might be hard, but life is not easy. It is not supposed to be. And I do think there are definitely times when you can legitimetly but in a depressed mood. But it shouldn't be about drama. It should be when somebody you love is sick or is hurt or is dying or something like that. That is so much worse then when whoever you were dating broke up with you and then some other person was starting a rumor about you. It's okay, you will be alright.


I hope I didn't offend anybody with this, but it is what I believe. I am not saying all people are like this, but when I see it, it just annoys me. Talk to you later.
-Andy

Alex Zuelke...

...a running buddy and more importantly good friend of mine just made a blog. Ha the revolution continues on. So you should go read his blog, as well as stay updated on mine, just cause i like to hear feedback, but i guess if you read it that is cool. Anyways...Alex...you can get to his blog by clicking on the link on my page or also the url is beautyiscellardoor.blogspot.com...i think. And also if you havent, read my other good friend Ryan Haagenson's blog. there is a link for that on my page as well. And after all that, go make your own blog. Word. Talk to you later.
-Andy

(My friend Jackson just made one as well. check it out)

Companions For a Little While at Least

So I just looked at a picture and it made me think of something that I at least think is interesting and cool and such. I think its kind of crazy thinking about your shoes. Ya I know at first you just think of those things you put on your feet, and sometimes they look cool, or sometimes they are good for running, or sometimes they keep your feet warm, but if you think about it, that's not all. I think its kind of crazy just thinking about all of the places your shoes go with you...everywhere. They are with you all of the time. My shoes have been in so many places. My current ones have have seen the hills and mountains and plains while backpacking in New Mexico. They have gotten to know the halls of my school real well. They have been to all of my friends house just like I have. They have been with me through the good times and the bad. If you think about it, your shoes could be some of your best friends. I know I wouldn't be the same without them. Ha I think it would be pretty cool to just have a conversation with my shoes. We would be able to reminisce about all sorts of things. It was be a good time. Man I love my shoes. It will be a sad day when I have to retire them. They will always be remembered though. Anyways, just think about that...your shoes....crazy eh. Ha. Talk to you later.
-Andy

Tool is absolutely amazing....and such

Well I don't think I have blogged for a while so I figure now would be a decent time. Ha its one o'clock in the morning. I love it. And this blog will not be a list of things as the previous one was...as stated in its title.

So I went to go see the band Tool perform live tonight. They were absolutely amazing. By far they are my favorite band and I will always remember this night as one of the best of the year and of my life I think. I thought it was so amazing how tight they sounded. I know most bands are real tight especially ones that get paid a lot of money, but when you combine the tightness and precision they have onstage with their already amazing songs, it is bliss. I don't know exactly what it is about Tool that I like so much, but whatever it is I love it. I am not saying I shouldn't like them; I very much do, but they are unique. I don't know how to describe it. But like just at the concert listening to their music it takes me away from everything else, and it allows me to simply get into the music and bang my head around in the air even though no one else in my section is doing so. But everyone is doing thier own thing, enjoying the music their own way. It was fun. The lights were amazing and everything on and around the stage and such. Those guys are my heroes. I know they don't know or don't even care probably, but ya, I really look up to them. Anyways, I highly suggest listening to their music. I will help complete your life I promise.

Gosh I feel so busy this week. It's rediculous. I like it though. I would say that I am definitely taking advantage of these days that we have off. Last weekend I went to visit Belmont University in Nashville, Tennessee (I don't know if i spelled that right). I loved it. It was such a cool school. And their music business and audio engineering programs seeem amazing. It's is cool cause as part of a project in some of the classes you have to basically use their recording studio and record someone. I don't know about you, but that sounds like something I would really like to do. I am still applying to other schools mostly because I am already committed to finishing up the application process, but honestly, it seems pointless because Belmont is where I want to go the most. Hmm...I just thought I would share that bit of information.

One more thing I think I will talk about...girls. I was dating this girl basically for three weeks, two of which were unofficial, but last week we broke up. That was again one of my shortest relationships ever. I don't know why these things keep happening to me. I hate it. Like is there something that I am doing wrong. Am I not appearing to be committed enough. Am I not nice or sweet enough? and I too nice and too sweet? I don't know what I am really doing anymore. I have gotten used to being single and at the same time having an extreme desire to have a steady girlfriend. I desire so much that perfect relationship that I always see but can never get. So I think I put myself out there in a way that I am flirty with too many girls at once and then as soon as I start dating one my mind screws with me and tells me that I should have chosen another one. I don't know. Well I guess that was what sort of happened this time. (That was just one thing going through my mind). I mean like when I have a girlfriend I am committed to her for sure and I do everything I can to keep it going. I am always hopeful that it will be good from the getgo. But my mind still screws with me. And it always ends. Half the time, whether I am dating the girl or not, and there is a common liking for eachother, she suddenly decides that she doesn't like me anymore. I don't know eh. I mean I am certainly far from giving up. I never will, for one of my main goals in life is to get married to a woman who I love and who loves me and I want to raise a family. But...I guess that won't come easy. I suppose it's not supposed to. I guess all I really want right now is for a girl who will truly care for me and be there for me. But I know that I have friends who will be there for me as well which I am grateful and helps me get over the fact that I don't have a girlfriend like that. I don't know. I guess those are just some of my thoughts on that subject. If there appears to be holes, don't worry, there are. This is only a fraction of all of my thoughts. I am simply not good enough at relaying them all. Anways, thanks for reading all this. I will talk to you later.
-Andy

A List of Things

These are some things that I have been thinking about that could be topics for blogs or just simple sentences, but I don't feel like writing about it at the moment because there are many (I will probably add more to this list as time goes on).


-Techno is the shit.
-There is nothing to do in Sterling
-Pink eye is annoying
-You can't actually be high and have only one eye red
-Music really affects your mood
-People are always asking me where I am going to go to college
-My family is growing in a not so good direction
-It feels good to have a girlfriend (When I do have one)
-My hopes and fears of having a girlfriend
-Thinking about the past and how crazy it is
-This last year has been my most important because this time as opposed to ever before I can remember exactly what was happening a year ago
-One of my best friends is moving away in a couple of months
-Friends and good friends and relationships and change over time is intersting
-This whole college decision is going to be hard one. I know what I want most, but can I do it
-Adam Birt is the shit
-This winter is going to be pretty crazy for running. I have high hopes for track
-Guitar Hero is the shit. It's crazy fun playing with Jackson
-Al Gore really knows what he is talking about, and people should start to listen to him
-This country really needs a turn-around. Bush has been screwing it up far too long
-My life at this moment...I can't really complain

Hmm...this is kind of a boring blog, but I figured people probably don't want to read another serious blog. This one I think is rather not serious...still true stuff...but...ya. Talk to you later
-Andy

I am sorry...(expectations)

Expectations suck. They screw everything up. At least high ones do.

I am sorry dad. I am sorry when you have such high expectations for me and I fail to follow through and complete them. You always tell me you are proud of me and what I do in school and sports and everything. And then you tell me to do something that sounds simple enough and I don't do it. When I don't completely finish what you do you get mad, and it seem slike all of that pride in me doesn't matter. You give up on me and to you I am a failure. You know I am sorry for being a teenager, and I am sorry that sometimes what you tell me to do I really don't want to do. I am sorry that my priorities are rather different than yours. I ask you to do something or even I ask you a question, and you are busy at the time or in a bad mood or something and just get mad that I am bothering. But then I am busy or I have something going on and then you tell me I have to do something. It doesn't matter what I am doing I have to do it or else you will get mad and even more disappointed in me. Maybe if you didn't have so high expectations or maybe if for once you would see things from my perspective things would be a little better. Now I am not saying I am perfect. I am far from it. But that is part of life. You can't just give up on me whenever I screw up. I am sorry.
-Andy

23

I don't know if you have ever heard the song 23 by the band Jimmy Eat World. Thanks to Mr. Matt Keeler, I started listening to that song. It is absolutely amazing. I don't know if you have every noticed those songs where you listen to them and you feel like you are in a movie but when I am listening to 23, and I am driving or in the passenger seat or even walking down the sidewalk, I feel like I am in a movie. I feel like something bigger is going on with me. Something that is going somewhere and what I am doing will actually matter when the future comes. Or it is a sign that something big will happen in the future and that moment is an opening scene with the credits. I don't know. Either way, I am not actually in a movie when I am listening to the song. It does put me in one of those moods though where I become sort of quiet. I am not sad, nor angry. I am just in one of those modes where the feeling of being in a movie, which based on the song would be a rather serious movie, and I am in one of those thinking modes. It makes me think about life. It makes me reflect on everything that is going on at the moment. I kind of like it. That feeling is rather relaxing.

It is kind of an interesting thing. Everyone I am sure sees some movie and wishes that their life went almost exactly like that movie. I know I have sure seen movies, and I would kill to be one of the characters in the story. I would love to have all those thing happen to me. I think there are a couple of reasons why I as well as probably everyone else has these desires. They are kind of sad and can tend to make life seem so hopeless but they are what they are. The first I think is the more obvious reason why people wish they were in a certain movie, and I think that is because the movies that people want to be in always have great, happy endings. Everyone wants a happy ending. Unfortunately, that doesn't always happen. It seems like nothing ever works out like it does in the movies. The second and more deeper reason I think people want movies to happen to them is that they show that something greater in a sense is at work. That probably doens't make sense, but I will explain it. If you notice in movies, everything the characters do matters to the story. Whether it will affect the next scene or it will affect the ending, everything matters. But this isn't so in real life I think. I walked home from school today, but that will have no affect on what I do tomorrow. So many things we do don't matter. And people want everything to matter I think, just like in the movies. It is kind of unfortunate how things turn out I think.

And I think people look for something in movies that they are looking for in everything they do: hope. If a character in a movie succeeds against great odds, so must I be able to. But unfortunately, a lot of times I believe it is a false hope. Movies are great. I love them. But I believe they can tend to make me and people in general think that they can do anything, when in reality they can't. I think that people should not search for hope in movies. Hope I believe comes from within. I believe that it is something you must discover for youself. People can tell you that you should be hopeful that things will work out, but you must find that hope and grasp it and hold onto it. That is what is really going to get you through your problems. If you have hope, not false hope like in movies, but hope that things will work out in the end, then they will. Maybe things won't work out exactly as you like them, and maybe the end is not what you were looking for in the beginning, but whatever end you do come upon, it will be good, as long as through it all, you find that hope and stick to it and keep your head up. Hope leads to believing and believing leads to knowing that things will work out.

(And I think I have written enough. Ha reading over that I felt like I poured out so much emotion, but people will read this and be like oh, that's cool I guess. Whatever...maybe not. I don't know.)
Talk to you later.
-Andy

Word

Word...don't you love it when you realize you made a mistake and then were able to fix it and make it so things will hopefully actually work out. Ha I know this blog along with the two preceding it are rather vague. But hey, I like this whole blog thing because I feel like I can let out small peices of how I feel at the moment cause it definitely feels good to somewhat let known what is going on inside my head rather than keep it inside. I suppose vagueness is better than nothing.

I would also like to say I appreciate the advice that a few people have given me. You know who you are. And just like any of my blogs if you would really like to know I would gladly explain the actual stories behind the blogs. But I don't expect you to ask for that. Probably a lot of people don't care that much anyways. That being one of the reasons why I don't use names for these types of blogs along with the fact that they can just make things kind of confusing and could lead people to assume thing about the people I am writing about that aren't exactly true. Thanks for your time. I promise my next blog will be more of an actual blog...you know...prethought and hopefully more of an insightful type and such. Talk to you later.
-Andy

So What

So what if I made a decision I am starting to regret a lot now. Is it too late to go back on m decision and maybe fix what I broke, even though one person might be disappointed. And if I do this what if the first person is still not happy with me about the decision I made and won't give me a second chance. I am rather divided at the moment.

The Decisions We Make

Sometimes I really hate it. I hate how we get into situations, a lot of times, like my case, by our own means, and then we realize that we have set ourselves up so that we have to make a decision. I hate how we have to disappoint someone. But I guess that's what life is eh. Decision after decision, followed by its consequences.

Sometimes its interesting thinking about what it would be like if the world was perfect and nothing we did was wrong. What if everything worked out perfectly all the time? I think that is probably a rather commonly asked question. But I think that there is a reason for that. Who wouldn't like the idea that everything in the world worked out exactly how we wanted it. We wouldn't be forced to make these decisions. But of course, we ask ourselves these things, and then we realize that one, this is impossible. It goes against human nature. And two, how boring would that become. We learn from our mistakes and our misfortunes that we go through. We would never be able to do that if everything was perfect. Life goes up and down. And when those upswings are happening, its amazing. If everything was perfect, you would feel the same all the time.

But anyways, I hate when my mind starts to mess with me and I start thinking about some of the big, or seemingly big at the moment, but not so much in hindsight, decisions that I make. Doubt enters the picture. I hate it when I realize that maybe I did something wrong. And in doing so, I have both screwed myself over as well as the person who got screwed over by the decision that I made. And I hate it because that always seems to happen to me. I can never get things right. I don't know. Maybe things at the present will actually work out how I would like, but right now it seems like I may have made a grave mistake. Whatever I guess. That's life for you eh.

Well that was a rather short one I think. I wrote it mostly on the spot basically just building off a main idea. But ya. Thanks. Talk to you later.
-Andy

Insights for the day

So i was thinking. There are a couple of things that i was thinking about that just kind of have captured my thoughts today and yesterday. First, the big butts song came on the radio today. it was on 106.7 which plays hard rock and metal but someone requested it or something. either way i was driving home from school at lunch and it came on. Wow, whoever wrote that song was really clever. Like the whole song is sexual references but there are so many different ways he says the same thing. Except each time he says it he adds something new and each time is just as funny as the last.

I mean, the song has no real meaning. It's pretty much about sex. There is nothing too insightful or especially emotional about the song. I wouldn't guess it is was one written "from the heart." Its just clever. I would never be able to come up with the stuff that he says. Another song like that is "The Bad Touch" by the Bloodhound Gang. It is the pretty much the same thing. Just a song about sex. But it's funny and it's clever. I like it. Maybe you agree with me maybe you don't.

I was thinking about something else too. I am kind of curious why anyone, girl or guy, would put a big playboy bunny sticker on their back window. Or just like displaying it anywhere. It just doesn't make sense to me. Sticking with the sticker in the window, if it is a girl has one on the back of her car, i see it as she is one of a couple of things. One, she works for playboy. In that case i guess its alright that she has it on her car, for it is her job. Two, she is a complete slut who wants to work for playboy. Three, she isn't hot at all and just wishes she was like that... or something like that. Either way, i don't understand why a girl would want to have that kind of image for herself. If it is a guy, i see that as well as one of a couple things. One, he is like the owner for the magazine or something like that. The more likely possibilily though is that it is some guy who watches a lot of porn and masterbates a lot and who probably is a pervert and has a 18 year old girlfriend and who is 30 (not that that is a good reflection on her either but still). Now that is a pretty extreme case at least the second part. Either way, i definitely wouldn't put one of those stickers on the back of my car. But i suppose to each his own. Sorry if i offended you by saying some of those things.

Overall, those were some of my thoughts of today/yesterday. Talk to you later...
-Andy

"Harrison Bergeron"

"Harrison Bergeron"

by Kurt Vonnegut

(Instead of have the whole story which is long on here i will just put the website link on. But if you havent you really should read the story, for it is really good. It takes like ten minutes to read. You will like it.)
-Andy

http://instruct.westvalley.edu/lafave/hb.html

Sickness and the Future

Right now i feel kind of crappy. I think i am sick. After our hill workout today in cross county i couldnt run until i walked for a while because i felt like crap. And its still with me. I hate being sick. Whatever. I guess i will resort to drinking lots of water and hope that i get better.

Anways, on a more serious note. I guess i will talk about something that i have been thinking about a lot. That is the future and where i lie in terms of what kind of person i will be, where i will be, and so on. Its so hard i think cause pretty much anything i do there is some sort of downfall. But i guess thats how life goes.

So school has been pretty crappy lately. Its just like its so hard to find the motivation to do anything. I am pretty much the worst student ever. I only ever do a portion of my homework. And probably how i spend my nights would be looked upon by many as a waste of my time and i am dumb and i just need to do my homework. But i disagree. I was talking to ryan about this today. Like you have to judge how much time you spend doing homework based on how much you think it will be worth your time. But then i fall behind in classes sometimes and its just not a good situation.

And this is where i bring it back to the future and such. Like i suppose i have a pretty decent GPA and people would say i have a bright future ahead of me, attending some good college and getting a good job and such. But sometimes i wonder if that is actually me. Its not good, but i am a lazy person. I am really lazy. I procrastinate and i dont know how to change it. So what happens when i go to college and i suck because i am so lazy. I know, you would say dont be lazy. But its just so hard.

And then maybe i start thinking maybe i shouldnt go to college and maybe take a year off and work or do something like that. Thats what ryan said he would be doing after graduating. First of all, my parents especially would disagree hardcore. That wouldnt fly with them at all. Ha. It would be way cool but i dont know if i could do that also.

Also i was thinking about another thing too sort of about the future. I was reading this article in Rolling Stone about Hunter S. Thompson. He went through high school drinking and having fun and being a touble maker and doing all this stuff. He didnt have a care in the world about school or stuff like that. And then after a series of events he goes on to become a very famous writer who invented a new genre of writing and in some ways defined a generation. Like what was he thinking in high school. I dont know. did he know he wanted to do the stuff that he would do later in his life. I mean i think it would be cool to become famous. And i tell myself that all i have to do to become famous is do whatever i want. And it will all work out. (This is all sort of different than what i was thinking today but its hard to recall what i was thinking unless i write as i am thinking, but anyways...) But i am not going to be famous. At least there is no way i can plan on being famous in any way.

I dont know. Thats a lot to think about i suppose. I am probably overthinking everything hardcore. I guess i just need to do what i do and whatever happens happens. That was a lot of rambling so if you got here, i thank you for reading. And if you didnt get here, even though you wont know i say this to you, but i dont blame you.
-Andy

Church and such

I will take some time to blog on this sunday afternoon as i sit in my room delaying to start waxing my car. I just got back from a church a few minutes ago. I wont go too deep into my faith and what i believe in and why i believe what i do but i am Catholic. I have gone to a couple other youth group activities at other churches like Central Prebeterian and the Lutheran (sorry if i spelled that wrong) church.

But i have been raised Catholic so that is what i do. I have not been raised hardcore Catholic though like some kids i suppose. My parents probably had a more strict upbringing than i did but both of them went to Catholic school at one time or another. Anways, its kind of interesting. Whenever i go to church, my mind seems to wander a lot and i often find myself thinking of things that have nothing to do with the gospel or any of the readings or the sermon. I think about running a lot, for some reason, i think about school, my friends, anything going on in my life, you know, stuff like that. Its hard cause then i realize that i havent been really paying attention and then i dont really know what the person is talking about so my mind drifts again. I dont know though, my mind doesnt really drift that seriously anywhere more than at church. Maybe its a good thing and it allows me to kind of go through everything going on. I dont know. I probably should be focusing more on whats going on in the mass but, whatever i guess.

But today was kind of different, it was a pretty intense gospel and sermon. It was about this poor guy named Laserus (that might be spelled wrong) and he lives a really hard life. Like, the poorest of the poor. He was sick and everything. But, i think, he still had his faith and overall he lived a good moral life. And then there was this other guy who was rich and had everything he could ever want. He would step over Laserus who was at his door looking for food. The rich man would step over him and pay no notice at all. Actually, he might have kicked him and pushed him aside. So in the end, they both die and Laserus goes to Heaven and is standing by Abrahams side and the rich man is looking up from hell and is in the flames and everything and asked forgiveness but Abraham just looks down and said you lived the best life and didnt share anything while Laserus didnt have anything. He told him that there were rules he had to follow and the rich man would be doomed to stay down there in torture and pain forever.

I thought that was pretty intense. I was actually listening to this one. Like not they usually have noninteresting topics the gospels, but this one just caught my attention especially well. Its just kind of scary thinking about it. Just the fact that, according to my faith, if you screw up in this life time there are no second chances. Now i am not saying thats how it is. I mean everyone believes what they want to believe. And i mean even me myself have doubts every once in a while and i am not even the most firm in my beliefs. But still, its pretty scary. I dont know. I guess it just got my attention. Well...i should probably be off to start the rest of my day. Talk to you later.
-Andy

This is the second time. Sometimes i dont know what to do

I hate it when this happens. its the second time that it has. somehow i have offended someone who i care about a lot and they completely hate me. and its not even my fault. they are overexhagerating and its almost like they were looking for a reason to hate me. and this is the second time that i have pretty much gotten on my knees and begged for forgiveness for something that i didnt even do just cause i want the friendship back. i mean what did i do wrong to make someone who i had a great friendship with suddenly hate me. how can i even know if they wont tell me and there isnt even a reasonable reason for their sudden change of how they view me. and i ask myself why i keep doing this. why do i swallow up every bit of my pride and take the blame for everything to ask for forgiveness for something i didnt even do. it sucks. i dont know what to do. and then i dont know what to do in general. it seems like just about everyone else out there in the world has a very best friend that they are closer with than anyone else in the world. i dont have that best friend. i did. but then he started dating this girl. and we are still great friends but its not the same. we arent the type of friends where we hang out every weekend and all we do is sit and do nothing. i have other really close friends. and i am really grateful but sometimes i wish i had that best friend. its hard. i just dont know what to do. and then stuff like this happens and i am completely lost. i dont know. this has been sort of a crappy night just cause of the person who now hates me and wont even give me a chance to hear some things at least they need to know. they wont even give me a chance. and how am i supposed to feel when that person who you were close with calls you a dick and an idiot and an ass and the worst things someone can call someone else and end messages with things like bye, have a good life. i guess i just try to look to the good things in life. there have been some new good things that have been happening lately. i met this girl and i guess i have hope in the possitiliby that maybe it will turn into something really good cause i am starting to like her a lot. but we will see. i dont know. ryan, you will probably be the only one to read this, and it is a lot of rambling and it skips...but thanks ryan and anyone else who reads this.
-Andy

Words of wisdom from matt keeler

I was talking to matt at cross country today and telling him how i think he should get a blog. he probably wont but thats ok. he told me to write a quote of his or something in my blog. so i said i would and i said i would write about it. his quote was "Life is like a garden. Dont be a hoe." i think thats what he said. maybe its not but thats close enough. Yup...thats it...and its kind of a funny quote and it sort of makes sense. i just dont know how. i am kind of hitting a block on it. whatever i suppose. i still talked about it i guess. I guess i will talk about something else eh. I just bought this new cd by a band named Hurt. they are pretty much amazing. I seriously dont know how anyone could not like their music. its like a perfect mix of heavy metal and with a lot of accoustic guitar. plus the singers voice is really unique and his lyrics are pretty intense. i am not the best person at interpreting lyrics so i dont always know what he is saying for sure but they are usually filled with all these cool extended metaphors that i would never be able to come up with. that is a skill i am pretty lacking in. i cant write song lyrics to save my life. well i guess i can try but they never seem to be any good. they are simple which can sometimes be a good thing but with me they are just bad. whatever i suppose. i make up for it by being about to write decent music on the piano and guitar. or at least i think so. well thats probably about it for this blog. talk to you later eh...

Ryan and blogging

So i dont know who will read this, besides ryan probably, but thats ok. ryan is pretty much one of the coolest kids ever. Hes such a good guy and someone who i really look up to and have a lot of respect for. One day he was telling me about this blog thing that he did. I sort of know what blogs were sort of through myspace. But according to ryan this is better than myspace. Maybe he didnt say it directly but he means it. Anyways i thought i sounded pretty cool and then i went and looked at his last night and i thought it would pretty cool to make my own. It is actually a good idea. Sometimes i think what i need is a place where i can write and just speak my mind. This will probably work pretty well for me. Who knows, maybe it will be my next myspace...an internet site where i spend large amounts of time. Who knows. But if you read this you should definitely comment me or like tell me or something even if i dont really know you just so i know maybe i am not writing to myself. And i suppose if i am in fact writing to myself, then i dont know. I suppose i will have to figure out what i will do when i get to that point. And excuse my probable randomness. But hopefully maybe you will like what i am writing somewhat. I dont know. Talk to you later...